Before I get into this post, let me just preface by saying that I’ve always been a huge skeptic on any type of relationship advice that appears in any publication. I’m the girl who reads women magazines and think they are a load of BS. When I was 18, I read He’s Just Not That Into You and thought it was the biggest load of crap ever.
I thought I had a pretty good grasp on understanding the male psyche, until my friend told me about this book written by a comedian, Steve Harvey. He keeps it real, and tell it like it is in a refreshingly no-nonsense way. Individually, each of the take away seems to make sense, but there is something about the way he just lays them out there that really hit home. Not sure if this applies to European men, or men of various cultures, but it sure seem to be spot on for our American counterparts.
If a guy is telling me all these, they must be pretty true, no?
1.Let men be men. Men know that we the women possess some sort of super power that allow us to put on different hats. From the beginning of the time, men have been the provider of the family and the protector. Meanwhile, women have always had an important role in a family and society. This sociological makeup does not suddenly vanish in the 21st century, where women now have crazy degrees, jobs, etc. The secret is maintaining a woman’s power in a society (and relationship) by playing in a man’s language.
2.Three things define a man: Who he is, What he does, and How much he makes. Until what defines a man is on track and they feel like they have control over these things, a woman has no significant place in a man’s life. That’s not to say a man can’t feel like a man being a stay-at-home dad. But that dad has to be very comfortable with who he is (a dad), what he does (care for his children) and how much he makes (nothing).
3. Contrary to all the chick-flicks in the world, a man loves very simply. They profess, provide, and protect. Men probably won’t sit around and gaze into our eyes and tell us they love us all day long, while stroking our hair. But they are likely to tell their friends that we are his girl, lady, woman, etc (profess), pay for things when he can afford it (provide), and make sure no one disrespects you, make sure you are warm enough, and do things around that house that he deems too “dangerous” for you (protect).
4. Be a lady. We often complain how men today aren’t chivalrous as men once were. Yet we are too busy proving we are super women to let men pay for us, fix our plumbing, or open our doors. Of course we can afford to pay for our own meals, read a DYI book and fix our own toilet, and open our own doors. We are capable of doing anything that men can. But let men be men. Let them protect and provide for us, and just sit back, relax, and be a lady.
5. Men need support, loyalty and “the cookie”. Men aren’t just gonna fix your toilets, pay for your outings, and open doors all day for nothing. Men is out there being men all day, sizing up against others, fighting in the modern jungle to be more successful. He just wants someone to ask how his day was and show some appreciation (support). They don’t need flowers or presents, or whatever that we women need. Fighting out there in the modern jungle is hard, and a man just wants to know that you’ll be there if he doesn’t win a battle and gets laid off, gets sicks, etc. He just needs to know we aren’t gonna run to the next successful men who can bring home the bacon when he can’t (loyalty). Finally, don’t be stingy in the bedroom (the cookie). Men are men. They have needs (as do women).
6. Don’t pull “We Need to Talk” and leave girl talk with the girls. This is a classic mistake that we do. We get frustrated and want to over-analyze the hell out of everything. Men do not. They want to FIX-IT and move on. If there is a problem, just sit down and discuss it. Don’t give them a warming saying “we need to talk”, because they’ll run around wondering what they did wrong and freak out. If you want to complain just for the sake of complaining and over-analyzing, go to the girls. If men can’t fix what you are complaining about, then they will be annoyed at you.
There are a lot more to the book, but these are the main points that really stood out to me. When our boyfriend becomes our best friend, they are still a boy. We can’t treat them like our girl best friend! I’ve been incredibly independent my entire life, and I lost sight of the fact that men just want to be men. I can still be highly independent and successful, but to keep the man around, I just gotta chill out sometimes and be a lady.
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10 days into 2012, and already, New Year’s Eve feels like a long time ago. These first 10 days of the year are probably rather indicative of what the rest of year will shape to be: a year full of surprises, changes, personal challenges that will require me to find my inner balance. In the past 18 months or so, I’ve always thought back to my life in Cameroon for perspective and some zen when things get a little out of control in the “real life”. As that experience fades a little more into memory each day, I am in need of some other forms of perspective.
A good friend dragged me to yoga this past week as I was struggling to find inner peace. I’ve practiced yoga on and off for many years now, but have resorted to audio and video recordings ever since I moved to Cameroon. I haven’t attended a studio class in well over three years. Yoga in a place like New York city is more of a fad than actual practice. The studios often charge an arm and a leg for classes that I often cannot afford.
As such, when I learned about Yoga to the People, I was pleasantly surprised. It’s a donation-based studio scatter across NYC. Unfortunately a location doesn’t exist in the Upper West Side. I love this studio because every time you go, the energy and dynamic is entirely different, depending on the personalities that are in your class. It may sound strange, and although no one speaks except for the teacher, the energy in the room is different each time. The classes that I’ve attended are Power Vinyasa, so a pretty good work out on top of some much needed zen.
I know they tell you to leave you thoughts at the door as you begin your practice, but today, I had so much on my mind that my thoughts followed me into the studio. Strangely, while I was contorted on my mat, and then flowed into my downward-facing-dog, a sense of clarity glossed over my confused thoughts. Who knew?
Life is about to pick up speed again here in a few days. I am hoping this will be a good excuse to get me out of my Columbia bubble and allow me to find peace among chaos of life.
This is always my favorite post to write each year. A lot happens in a year, and I am always amazed at what all took place when I write this post. 2011 was a good year. My life faced new changes and challenges, and I walked away a stronger, and more experienced person than before.
January: The new year kicked off with my Peace Corps loves in Chicago. I then headed back to the LSE to complete the year. It was a constant adjustment trying to wrap my head around the British system. This was one of the major challenges of 2011.
February: My friend Laura from Peace Corps visited me. I submitted the dual degree application for Columbia after many drafts of the essays. I was anxiously waiting to hear a response. I wanted to be in the US and at Columbia. Meanwhile, I continued to find balance with readjustment into the “real world”. Even after all those months, there were moments that were extremely difficult. Reverse culture shock continued to affect me in the early part of 2011. In an attempt to find balance, I took mini city breaks to Cambridge and the like.
March: March was a good month. I received my acceptance to Columbia in the beginning of the month. That relieved a lot of stress for me. Peace Corps celebrated its 50th anniversary and I attended a celebration party in London. In search of inspiration, I attended a China in Africa conference at Oxford and met many fascinating individuals, including a guy from Burundi who became a good friend and mentor. Despite not being satisfied in my academic life, I enjoyed my life in London.
April: A rough month due to personal matters. But luckily this was the month where LSE had a month-long break/revision period. I took two trips: one to Bologna and another to Ibiza. Both trips were absolutely necessary for me to get away from London, to gain a little perspective, and to re-energize myself for the exam period. The end of the month was the Royal Wedding. It was pretty neat to be in London for this historical event. My friends and I participated by going to Trafalgar Square and watched it on the big screen! pretty cool.
May: The intense exam period began. Summer term full of review sessions took place. Life became pretty dull for the next two months. I also went on a Facebook Hiatus/Detox.
June: Exams were in full swing. Since the LSE library was so oversubscribed, Jenn and I found a perfect two-story Starbucks on Bond Street and went there from open to close every day during the month. It was the worst academic purgatory that I’ve ever experienced. The British System is simply not for me.
July: Things began to look up after exams in July. Immediately after exams, my sister visited me in London. Then, we took a trip to frolic along the French Riviera. It was much, much needed. During the vacation, I read Jacqueline Novogratz’ Blue Sweater, and Amy Chua’s Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. Both of which made a big impression on me. The Tiger Mom book especially inspired me to tell my own story. I began working at Big Issue Invest, a social investment firm in London after my vacation. Very interesting work; right up my alley. Oh, I finally tried out the Cameroonian restaurant in London. It brought back all sorts of fantastic memories.
August: I thoroughly enjoyed the last few weeks of my summer in London. My internship was fulfilling and interesting. It was a nice end to a rather frustrating academic year. I reflected on the year of reverse culture shock. Jerome visited me from Paris and we reminisced life in Cameroon. Nearly all of my visitors in London relate back to Cameroon in one way or another.
September: I began the long-awaited journey at Columbia SIPA. I finally felt like I was at the right place. It was really exciting to meet new people and get into the groove of things. SIPA threw a really fun Welcome-Back party, that kicked off my birthday celebration. I began to attend many networking events for jobs, and attempted to determine what path I want to take with my career. A major Peace Corps reunion in DC wrapped up the month. It was fantastic to see my loves again. It was bittersweet to know that people have all moved up with then next phase of life, and it will never quite be the same again.
October: SIPA continues to treat me well. There are always a million events happening. The Boat Party kicked off the month. Between job search, classes and a busy social life, I was always running around, but felt very happy and fulfilled. Columbia is a big bubble. Every now and again, it’s nice to break away to visit the Met, to stroll around Central Park, etc.
November: The month began with a trip to DC to attend Africa Gathering. An inspiring event with amazing African diaspora who have great ideas to contribute to the continent. School and job search remain incredibly busy. But holiday season kicked off with Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade, massive feast, friends, and fun.
December: Early in the month was incredibly busy with finals. Job interviews began to take place and juggling the two kept me at the libraries all day long. In between all the frenzy, I tried to slip in some time to walk around the city and to take in the holiday spirit. New York is amazing during this season. It was nice to be home for Christmas. It has been nice to be closer to family and friends in the later part of this year.
And that, was 2011. Since I will graduate in May, 2012 holds much unknown. Anything is possible. That is at the same time exciting, and somewhat scary! I hope you have also had a fulfilled 2011, and I wish you all the best in this new year!
I’ve been receiving emails regarding the GPPN Dual Degree program between the LSE and Columbia SIPA that I am pursuing. In the interest of sharing information, here’s some key items:
If you are at LSE and looking to apply to do your 2nd year at Columbia:
Application is generally due during early February and you hear back in early March. The process is simple – just four short essays. Three of the essays is likely to be exactly as they are for next year’s incoming SIPA applicants. And then, there is typically a question similar to “If you could have dinner with anyone dead or alive, whom would it be?”. It’s important to note that since LSE doesn’t have grades until the end of the year, these essays are the only thing that really sets you apart from the rest. You are competing against others who are already at the LSE, so obviously you are all already of a certain caliber. Therefore, the fact I was accepted into SIPA originally for the MPA mattered none. I still slaved and agonized over these essays for days. There must have been at least 5 drafts of each. I am fairly certain that I spent more energy on these essays than anything else I did at the LSE.
Why the fuss? Well, it can be rather competitive. Last year, I believe there were 19 applicants and 7 offers. Historically, it’s about 1/3 probability. I believe it depends on supply and demand. The number of spots available is determined by how many people want to come to the LSE. There may be other factors involved in the available spots, but I know this is the main one. I don’t work in the Admissions Committee, so I haven no idea what works. But I think the same rules apply for any essays: more is NOT better. Judging by the student body at SIPA, I would say highlighting previous experiences and how they motivate your wish to study at SIPA is probably more important than academic achievements. My observation is that SIPA is training people to become practitioners, not academics.
Once you do get the offer, you will immediately need to think about courses as pre-registration for the fall semester opens in the spring and courses can fill very quickly at SIPA. Your courses at the LSE will count for some of the core classes at SIPA. Basically, you will need to complete all requirements that a normal two-year SIPA student needs to complete. EC440 will count for the year long Economics classes. EC455 will count for Quantitative Analysis. GV478 will count for Politics of Policy-making. I was doing International Development, so DV441 counted for the Management requirement. If you are serious about coming to SIPA, you can plan your courses that will count, in the event that you do get in, that will give you more flexibility to take classes at SIPA. I also had LL484 Regulations of Financial Markets to count as International Banking at SIPA. In some ways, going from LSE-SIPA shortchanged me on class options since most year-long classes only counted for semester-long classes at SIPA.
Beyond the above requirements that can be satisfied from LSE courses, you are still require to take a financial management class, a professional development seminar, capstone and internship. In addition, everyone is required to pursue a concentration and a specialization. Depending on the track you choose to take, the number of required classes varies. For more information regarding requirements, refer to SIPA Academics.
For anyone considering GPPN Dual Degree between LSE/SIPA:
One great advantage about SIPA is its student body size and a wide variety of student groups within SIPA itself, completely independent from Columbia University. LSE has a number of societies, but they are usually mixed with undergrads. The student groups at SIPA host a number of events and some have insane amount of money in their budget, ranging well into thousands of dollars. Serving on a board in one of these groups give you all sorts of experience to answer those “behavior questions” you face in interviews. Caveat: the boards run from spring to fall semester between students first and second year. Thus, as a dual degree student, I was excluded from able to serve on any board. This is not to say I am excluded from participating or becoming involved, but it greatly diminishes the leadership opportunities.
The other potential difficulty is the social life. Since there is only a handful of dual degree students, you tend to fall into a strange lot that doesn’t quite fit with the first year, but most of the 2nd year already have pre-established social circle. I already had a lot of friends in New York, so this is less of an issue for me. I have heard this is a general issue to keep in mind for any dual degree students. The upside is that if you can overcome the difficulty, you walk away after the two years with a massive network of contacts from all over the world.
Academically, the LSE is much more in depth and challenging. The nature of the programs are different. LSE is much more academic. SIPA is much more practical. LSE is all about independent learning and one huge exam at the end of the year for most classes. At SIPA, classes are only one-semester long and there are assignments/projects/papers due constantly. You can think of it as a strength vs. endurance. To me, academic is all there is at the LSE. Extracurricular mattered very little. At SIPA, to get the full experience, soft skills are important, the professional development events consume your life, as well as extracurricular activities. If you come to SIPA only to excel at academics, then you really would not get your money’s worth. Personally, I love SIPA. But, we all know how the LSE and the British system in general perplexes me.
If I could do it over, I likely would have gone to SIPA in the first place and stayed there for two years. Having two degrees on the resume is a nice plus, but the experience itself lacks continuity. Since the GPPN dual degree comprises of only a handful of people in all schools, there doesn’t really exist a very good structure to help the integration. Having to learn the entire system and politics of school each year can be really frustrating. At the end of the day, it depends on what you are after and prefer. As always, there are pros and cons to all things and each decision depends on which way the balance tilts.
Good luck with your decision!
Holiday Season in NYC!
Merry Christmas!! Finally had time to take in the holiday season after weeks of finals projects, papers and exams. I didn’t get to enjoy as much of the Christmas spirit this year, but I still sneak in some pretty nice moments around the City. A trick for all: walking around New York City while listening to Christmas music on your iPod gives this surreal movie-like feeling!
This IS the most wonderful time of the year. Despite the commercialism of it all, I really love it! New York City is especially magical during the season. Hope everyone is able to find a piece of this magic wherever you are and can be with loved ones today!
Christmas lights at Columbia
Christmas Shopping Frenzy
Rockefeller Center
Macy's fancy display
Christmas Market at Bryant Park
Ice Skating at Bryant Park
Didn’t actually go skating, but it looked like a lot of fun! Walked by it on a random Tuesday night and it was pretty happening!
Nutcracker @ Lincoln Center
After my last final, I unwind with a showing of the Nutcracker at Lincoln Center! It was every bit as amazing as I remembered. I think I was just as excited as the 5-year-old girl sitting near me! Oldie but a goodie, never gets old!
Columbus Circle
lights inside of Columbus Circle
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The tribulation and jubilation of life as a 20something wanderlust. Discovering the world, one language at a time. Currently wandering as a MPA International Finance Policy and International Media student at Columbia University SIPA.
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