Peace Corps

Last night, I found myself at Lenox Lounge, a jazz club in Harlem. It was a picture perfect New York experience. A down-to-earth space with incredible jazz musicians, a few audiences from the neighborhood that embody Harlem. The five piece jazz band played many classic tunes, sprinkled with a few ballads by Duke Ellington and the like to set the mood. Perfect prelude to this Valentine’s Day. I felt transformed to a different era. It’s heartwarming to see that a piece of old romance from the 1920′s still exists today, albeit scarcely.

I can’t recall the last time I had an actual “valentine” on this holiday, yet I am still optimistic and this remains one of my favorite holidays. Having that special someone is fantastic, but I always am very grateful for the army of amazing friends that I have across the world. Life of a globetrotter can be tough. Sometimes, you end up with many heartbreaks that require support from various timezones. Life is full of series of love and lost, and without friends, I couldn’t have sustained my habit to love. Valentine’s day is when I take the time to thank them for all those late night phone calls, skype chats, long emails, dinners, lunches, and hugs that are necessary in time of need.

The social media world is full of professions of love today. The National Peace Corps Association posted a fun article on the 12 reasons why you should date a Returned Peace Corps Volunteer. ahem, shameless self promotion here. But come on, we are pretty cool!

All the gooey lovey stuff aside, the logical side of me really appreciated this Ted Talk on the brain in love. It breaks down our crazy behaviors scientifically.  Definitely helpful to know there is a reason, and when going through series of love and lost, I am not just plain crazy.

Happy Valentine’s Day! I hope you are taking a minute to cherish all the loves in your life!

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4am. I was walking back from the 116th St. 1 train exit. I walked through the Columbia quad alone. Snow was falling. For the first time in a long time, I felt very happy. It was the same sensation I used to get daily when I went on runs in the hills of my Cameroonian village. I smiled, looked up into the snow and felt them falling onto my face. I was living in the moment.

Lately, I have been doing a lot of soul searching. It’s the last semester of graduate school, and there exists lots of uncertainties in both my professional and personal life. I am not alone. It’s at the same time scary and exhilarating. At SIPA, many of the second years are experiencing the same. There is always a hint of anxiousness in the air. For some reason, we easily forget the exhilarating side of the unknown. The anxiety can be quite contagious and it can become all too much to handle. I was losing my sense of direction, feeling uninspired, and seeking for a certain something.

Akwa, Bafoussam

In an effort to search for my soul, I stepped out of the Columbia bubble tonight and met up with a recently returned Peace Corps friend. I needed to be reminded of all the incredible lessons that we learned in Cameroon. It is far too easy to succumb to societal pressure, to feel that one must meet certain expectations, whether it’s career-marriage-2.5 kids-white picket fence or a constant need to outperform the next person and make something of oneself.

While reminiscing our time in Cameroon, we came to an important realization. We both deeply cherished our service, but noticed that some volunteers do not feel the same upon returning to the US. The difference lies in expectation. If you expect to “change the world”, you likely would leave feeling disillusioned, discouraged, and frustrated. Rather, we both went into this experience with zero expectation. We realized from an early stage that this would be 90% about ourselves and 10% about development. Yet, a virtuous cycle formed. In working on developing and understanding ourselves, we in turn were able to integrate and better serve our respective communities.

The 90/10 rule applies to the “real world”. We realized most people are actually quite miserable. They live a life where it’s 90% about career and meeting expectations, and only 10% is about understanding, and developing the self. It should really be the other way around. People need to spend 90% of time listening and trusting their instincts, and only 10% of time should be devoted to meeting societal expectations. How can we be an effective employee, mother, father, or friend, if we don’t fully trust our instinct and know what makes us jump out of bed in the AM, what makes us happy, sad, angry, etc.?

At the end of the day, my soul isn’t lost, but instead, it’s a matter of mustering up enough courage to follow instincts. In addition to going with my gut feelings, I am trying to remember the pleasure and satisfaction that exist in life. Last week, I read through old journals. In one of the entries, I had written, “I stopped in to buy snacks and saw they had Lay’s potato chips – that made my day!” How much happier would I be if I just remember the magic that this “real” world provides, and the appreciation I had for everything during my first week back from Cameroon?

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Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. In the past 6 years, I have only spent one Thanksgiving in the USA. I am beyond excited to be back. Celebrating this holiday in the foreign land, while at times memorable (those Peace Corps Thanksgivings were pretty epic), usually is pretty anti-climatic.

Even though I am staying in the City and not going home for Thanksgiving, I am at least in the US and can make all the American dishes that I’ve missed so much! Very much looking forward to the cooking fest that will begin later this evening and stuffing my face all day tomorrow. Holidays in good company can be as amazing as with family.

Is it bad that only during this of the year that we sit down and think about things we should be thankful for? I guess better once a year than never. The longer I am away from Cameroon, the more I take simple things in life for granted. I am taking this occasion to remind myself all the wonderful things I should be thankful for in life, however simple they may be.

Things I should not take for granted:

• Running water
• Not doing laundry by hand
• Broadband Internet – remember when I wasn’t able to stream videos.
• Constant electricity – all day, everyday.
• Family – far away, but always there.
• Amazing friends from around the globe
• The opportunity to study at Columbia SIPA
• NYC friends new and old that’s made my time here really amazing
• Living right across from SIPA that takes commute out of my life
• Career possibilities that lie ahead, regardless how uncertain it may feel right now.
• Easy access to bubble tea, Starbucks, Trader Joe’s, sushi on a regular basis.
• Despite how I gripe about certain events in my life, I am thankful for each moment. Even the years spent in the suburbs. I am shaped by the moments that I lived.
• Being alive
• All the books I have access to and that my Books for Cameroon project is not dead

I am especially thankful this year that Cristina has continued with my Peace Corps project and leading Phase II. It would have been such a shame to see the project disappear after my departure. She is working very hard raising money to fund the second phase.

This year, why not give your next $5 latte/beer/martini to this project? We are thankful for your contribution!

Learn more & Donate today!

I hope you are all spending this holiday with loved ones. Remember the little things in life & enjoy this holiday season! Happy Thanksgiving!

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The long-awaited Peace Corps reunion weekend happened a few days ago. This is the 50th year of the Peace Corps and this was the weekend that loads of events took place in DC. My stage (training group) took this opportunity and organized our own reunion on top of it. Somehow, we managed to get people to fly in from all over the country. Nearly 50 people showed up at the barbeque that took place. People came from San Francisco, Seattle, Chicago, New York, Denver, and a few were fresh off the boat (plane) from Cameroon just a couple of weeks ago!

our lovely hostess & a serious spread of American BBQ

the fun continues aux états-unis!

In Cameroon, a popular phrase is on est ensemble, which in Anglophone regions is we are together. Cameroonians say it all the time to signify the unity of a community. You say it before you part ways. With each gathering that I have with my PC Cam friends, I understand the true meaning of this phrase that much more. Those two years will bond us for life. The crazy diseases, frequent discussion of bowel movements, strange/awesome food that we ate, the beers we drank, the ridiculous travels we endured and the general amazing-ness of Cameroon will carry our friendship far into the future.

I witnessed this at the greater Peace Corps Cameroon reunion on Saturday evening. A group of volunteers who served in the 60′s has maintained the level of friendship that I just described, and they decided to take this weekend to reconnect every volunteer who has ever served in Cameroon. Roughly 200 people were able to make it to this event. My group came from all over the country, these 200 people came from all over the world. One lady I met came from the Philippines!

the very first PC Cameroon volunteer

the latest group of returned volunteers from Cameroon

We heard the first volunteer who stepped foot onto Cameroon speak, and my friend Gabe who had just returned from his 3-year tour gave a speech as the newest returned volunteer. The speeches left me extremely emotional. Even after 50 years, those two years in Cameroon still mean so much to these individuals. That bond is even stronger than I ever imagined. Words simply cannot describe. I was in a room with 180 other people who would otherwise be strangers to me. Yet because when I utter words such as Limbé, Kribi, ndolé and jama-jama, they do not look at me with perplexity, we suddenly share something incredible.

With time, we all change. We go onto different career paths, different lives in various corners of the world, and even change drastically as individuals. But because of those two years in that one country, we will always be, together.

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I left Cameroon just a little over a year ago. This year went by in a blur. Swoosh! and it was gone. As I reflect upon this past year, I begin to realize the impact that reverse culture shock had on me. People always say that it’s easier going into a new experience than coming back. I never really had too much difficulty with past international moves, so I wasn’t sure what to expect. And then it hit me. It didn’t take me too long to get over the potato chips incident, or getting used to the luxuries of modern society. Yet the other aspects of reintegration affected me in ways that I didn’t allow myself to recognize.

I hate nothing more than people who make excuses for life, and I was determined not to be one. I thought nothing of jumping right into graduate school one month after my return. After all, many of my peers and those before us took the same path. So off I went again, far away from family and friends. I thought there would be plenty of others at grad school who would understand me. Yet because I didn’t carefully consider the student body, I was left feeling confused alone.

After living in a West African village for two years, it’s hard for me to want to care about theories or get stressed over academic marks. It’s all relative. In the initial months, I couldn’t balance the stress that my peers were experiencing with the thoughts that my village friends would simply be glad to have the basic comforts that we enjoy. And because I had such a terrific time there, I found it extremely difficult to not be able to share my stories and have people who understand around me. I was always fear to be the girl who can’t stop talking about Cameroon. It was frustrating to study development yet feel a major disconnect between the theories I was taught and my own experiences. And to top it off, not having someone to vent to. Although I was studying at a world-class institution, my life felt purposeless during the year.

Since I wasn’t really living around other RPCVs (Returned Peace Corps Volunteers), I then get the feeling that I am the only person who has trouble re-adjusting back to the real world. Everyone else appears to be handling life splendidly, whether it be graduate school or starting new jobs. Every now and again when I do converse with my PC friends, I am reassured that others experience similar feelings, to various degrees. But most of us put on a front and carry on. Sometimes it’s easier to simply pretend it didn’t happen and live like “normal” people.

Even one year later, there are still days when I just can’t be bothered to care about certain things, days when I wonder how I lived without running water for two years, and remembering how glad I was to simply being alive after a crazy taxi ride. Days when I think about the simplicity of life there in Cameroon, I can’t help to wonder what all the fuss is all about in the modern world. Life struggles exist everywhere, but they are absolutely relative.

Coming back from two years of experience like Peace Corps is weird. The process takes time, and it helps to be around others who get it. I am not sure how long it will take, but perhaps it will take a lifetime of struggle to balance between the world that I experienced and the world I live in today. A friend recently said that having multiple life experiences actually complicates our outlook on life. We are left to find a balance between all of our experiences, and that is incredibly confusing and challenging. He was right, yet I would not trade it for anything.

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