Posts Tagged ‘love’

Last night, I found myself at Lenox Lounge, a jazz club in Harlem. It was a picture perfect New York experience. A down-to-earth space with incredible jazz musicians, a few audiences from the neighborhood that embody Harlem. The five piece jazz band played many classic tunes, sprinkled with a few ballads by Duke Ellington and the like to set the mood. Perfect prelude to this Valentine’s Day. I felt transformed to a different era. It’s heartwarming to see that a piece of old romance from the 1920′s still exists today, albeit scarcely.

I can’t recall the last time I had an actual “valentine” on this holiday, yet I am still optimistic and this remains one of my favorite holidays. Having that special someone is fantastic, but I always am very grateful for the army of amazing friends that I have across the world. Life of a globetrotter can be tough. Sometimes, you end up with many heartbreaks that require support from various timezones. Life is full of series of love and lost, and without friends, I couldn’t have sustained my habit to love. Valentine’s day is when I take the time to thank them for all those late night phone calls, skype chats, long emails, dinners, lunches, and hugs that are necessary in time of need.

The social media world is full of professions of love today. The National Peace Corps Association posted a fun article on the 12 reasons why you should date a Returned Peace Corps Volunteer. ahem, shameless self promotion here. But come on, we are pretty cool!

All the gooey lovey stuff aside, the logical side of me really appreciated this Ted Talk on the brain in love. It breaks down our crazy behaviors scientifically.  Definitely helpful to know there is a reason, and when going through series of love and lost, I am not just plain crazy.

Happy Valentine’s Day! I hope you are taking a minute to cherish all the loves in your life!

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Before I get into this post, let me just preface by saying that I’ve always been a huge skeptic on any type of relationship advice that appears in any publication. I’m the girl who reads women magazines and think they are a load of BS. When I was 18, I read He’s Just Not That Into You and thought it was the biggest load of crap ever.

I thought I had a pretty good grasp on understanding the male psyche, until my friend told me about this book written by a comedian, Steve Harvey. He keeps it real, and tell it like it is in a refreshingly no-nonsense way. Individually, each of the take away seems to make sense, but there is something about the way he just lays them out there that really hit home. Not sure if this applies to European men, or men of various cultures, but it sure seem to be spot on for our American counterparts.

If a guy is telling me all these, they must be pretty true, no?

1.Let men be men. Men know that we the women possess some sort of super power that allow us to put on different hats. From the beginning of the time, men have been the provider of the family and the protector. Meanwhile, women have always had an important role in a family and society. This sociological makeup does not suddenly vanish in the 21st century, where women now have crazy degrees, jobs, etc. The secret is maintaining a woman’s power in a society (and relationship) by playing in a man’s language.

2.Three things define a man: Who he is, What he does, and How much he makes. Until what defines a man is on track and they feel like they have control over these things, a woman has no significant place in a man’s life. That’s not to say a man can’t feel like a man being a stay-at-home dad. But that dad has to be very comfortable with who he is (a dad), what he does (care for his children) and how much he makes (nothing).

3. Contrary to all the chick-flicks in the world, a man loves very simply. They profess, provide, and protect. Men probably won’t sit around and gaze into our eyes and tell us they love us all day long, while stroking our hair. But they are likely to tell their friends that we are his girl, lady, woman, etc (profess), pay for things when he can afford it (provide), and make sure no one disrespects you, make sure you are warm enough, and do things around that house that he deems too “dangerous” for you (protect).

4. Be a lady. We often complain how men today aren’t chivalrous as men once were. Yet we are too busy proving we are super women to let men pay for us, fix our plumbing, or open our doors. Of course we can afford to pay for our own meals, read a DYI book and fix our own toilet, and open our own doors. We are capable of doing anything that men can. But let men be men. Let them protect and provide for us, and just sit back, relax, and be a lady.

5. Men need support, loyalty and “the cookie”. Men aren’t just gonna fix your toilets, pay for your outings, and open doors all day for nothing. Men is out there being men all day, sizing up against others, fighting in the modern jungle to be more successful. He just wants someone to ask how his day was and show some appreciation (support). They don’t need flowers or presents, or whatever that we women need. Fighting out there in the modern jungle is hard, and a man just wants to know that you’ll be there if he doesn’t win a battle and gets laid off, gets sicks, etc. He just needs to know we aren’t gonna run to the next successful men who can bring home the bacon when he can’t (loyalty). Finally, don’t be stingy in the bedroom (the cookie). Men are men. They have needs (as do women).

6. Don’t pull “We Need to Talk” and leave girl talk with the girls. This is a classic mistake that we do. We get frustrated and want to over-analyze the hell out of everything. Men do not. They want to FIX-IT and move on. If there is a problem, just sit down and discuss it. Don’t give them a warming saying “we need to talk”, because they’ll run around wondering what they did wrong and freak out. If you want to complain just for the sake of complaining and over-analyzing, go to the girls. If men can’t fix what you are complaining about, then they will be annoyed at you.

There are a lot more to the book, but these are the main points that really stood out to me. When our boyfriend becomes our best friend, they are still a boy. We can’t treat them like our girl best friend! I’ve been incredibly independent my entire life, and I lost sight of the fact that men just want to be men. I can still be highly independent and successful, but to keep the man around, I just gotta chill out sometimes and be a lady.

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Serious dose of sunshine today in London. I think the universe was saving it to give London lovers a perfect mood to snuggle up in parks across the city. It’s been two years since I last experienced Valentine’s Day in its full commercial frenzy. Flurries of updates on Facebook has led to some interesting observations. The optimists, or those who have a significant other, don’t seem to mind the commercial nature of V day, but the pessimist, or perhaps those that are “alone”, are much more cynical.

I am an optimist, and even though I spent the day largely alone in classes and the library (though I did “treat” myself to some takeaway curry from Sainsbury’s), I appreciated the love that was all around me today. Seeing men and women alike lining up to purchase last minute flowers by the stand next to Holborn station brought a smile to my face. One day a year, people show special appreciation for their loved ones. If the positive externality (I gotta do it, I’m at the LSE) is extra profit for the flower/chocolate/restaurant industry? pourquoi pas?

I am sending loving thoughts to all of my loves across this world today. To family and friends near and far, and to those I’ve met through experiences off line or through idea exchanges online, I’m glad grateful that you are a part of my life. A day of sunshine and love from around the globe? Life is not so bad at all. Happy Valentine’s Day, my loves.

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